In this 15-minute conversation with New Zealand-based social
scientist Ken Daniels, author of
“Building A Family
With the Assistance of Donor Insemination,? we talk about
several controversial topics: the diverse make-up of families
today, how to talk to children about being donor conceived, the
role of the donor in a family’s life, and the importance of being
proud and confident about the way we build our families (regardless
about whether society wants us to feel some shame or stigma about
it).
This show was sponsored by
Choice Chat sponsor
California
Cryobank.
3:15
I define families very broadly….now of course we have such a
diverse range and forms of families. But the central bit of a
family remains the same. Families are about loving and caring and
nurturing. That can be done by one person, by two people, by more
than two people.
7:10
The way I encourage parents to tackle this [telling the child of
donor origins] is ‘I want to tell you about our family history,
this is about us as a family, this is how we came to be.’ When I
say this to parents it is as if the light goes off and the bell
rings….it is so much easier [than separating the child by saying
‘you were donor conceived.’]
9:10
There tends to be an emphasis on donors and children and parents. I
prefer to think of it as families. In a sense, the donor is part of
the family. Not in the sense that they are a parent and they’re
going to be involved. But they’ve had a part in the creation of
this family, and to deny that is to try to pretend that something
is not what it’s really like.
10:25
The history of donor insemination….is shrouded in secrecy. There’s
been a lot of stigma and shame. I’m keen to bring this out in the
open and say, ‘let’s be proud of the way we’ve built our family. We
love these kids.’
14:20
This book is designed to help parents parent in a confident way. To
be secure about what they’re doing. Because if you’re not secure,
kids will pick it up.